*_Fabulous_*

Whom have you lost touch with that you wish were still in your life?

I was really stupid when I was younger, but wasn't everyone. But, in college I did a lot of horrible things to really screw over friends that I had. I miss them.

 

Then there are the friends that I had while in college that we all just drifted apart ... we had so much fun together I miss them so much! 

 

 

Today was weird. I woke up and had a great morning with brian sleeping in late. I really enjoyed just being able to lay around with him and watching the dogs play. Then we got up and for some reason I was jusy grumpy all day. We had a great day together, but I was just grumpy. Last night we put up the christmas tree and then today we put them up on our duplex. We even went to target, one of my favorite things to do to pass time. Bought some cute wrapping paper,tags and the game Apples to Apples. Yet, still grumpy. Don't really know why either. Oh yeah, I did buy a new workout balance ball and dvd set. We'll see how that goes. I need to loose weight, my health is really starting to be an issue. My heartrate is up, I think I have sleep apnea and I just don't feel 100%. I loss weight this summer while brian was gone, I was working out three days a week and eating incredibly healthy. Yet, as soon as he got home I was not healthy anyone. There's no reason we can't be healthy together. I need to be healthy for me. Then we will be healthier together. I hate that when I post this it doesn't space my paragraphs. annnnnyways, christmas lights really make me happy. Anyone else?

Hey strangers. Long time no see, hope everyone is doing well. I am doing ok. It's been hard for me to sit down and write anything since thomas passed away. Life has been insane, so much going on at home with everyone -that I can't really put into words yet. Mainly because I have no idea myself what is really going on, but what can u do.

brian and I are moving back to the DFW area of texas. He got the job in the Leadership Development Program with Lockheed Martin in their HR divisionM so we're pumped! Excited about the opportunities and being back around family. :) I'm not sure what's going to happen with my job, citibank is interviewing me for a position in the irving area- but because their on a hiring freeze, even if I get the job they won't even be able to transfer me ... So we'll see what happens by that time hopefully the freeze will be up and things will fall into place like I know they should. I'm still applying for other jobs just in case, but I really want things with citt to work out.
brian and I are planning a cruise in january. More about that later. I've missed this place, hope everyone is doing well!

clipped from www.dallasnews.com Thomas Bickle: Richardson toddler battled brain tumor Thomas Bickle liked making grownups laugh, visiting neighbors and dancing to music with a good beat. He didn't like when trash littered the floor or when he wasn't the center of attention. He had red hair and a handsome grin. He charmed hearts far beyond North Texas through his mother's blog, which chronicled his battle with cancer. He died Thursday in his father's arms, in the family's Richardson home, a few weeks shy of his third birthday. Thomas had battled a brain tumor since he was 6 months old. His fight was reported in The Dallas Morning News in 2006. Sarah chronicled Thomas' battle with a “big bad brain tumor” with wit and heartbreaking candor at www.thomasbickle.com. “And then he gave his dada kisses before bedtime,” Sarah wrote Thursday. “Today, we held him for a long time. We told him lots of good things, and sang to him, and held him some more.”

so ... i cried in front of the "self-help" section of the bookstore last night ... realizing what i was looking for was something to take away this pain, but ... there's nothing... nothing will take it away. yes it may help but it wont change the reality of what's happening for the pain im feeling so deep in my soul

so ... im heartbroken to say the least ... but here is my sister's blog post ... i feel it's appropriate for HER to tell YOU where we are now with my nephew.

""One of the things Thomas’s oncologist is good at is warning us when we’re about to hit the big stuff. Phrases like, “I have bad news” give our minds time to race to emergency stations and brace for what’s next.

So, I have bad news.

Thomas’s MRI results from last week showed that his tumor is back. It is inoperable. We have discontinued chemotherapy.

We are sad, intermittently, or underlyingly: it's hard to believe this is real when Thomas is riding around on his trike and "talking" on a plastic measuring cup held to his ear. Off the chemo and not experiencing effects of the tumor yet, he's a handful, squeezing the fun out of every moment of the day.

I don’t know exactly how the immediate future will look. There are conversations and meetings to be had, some easier than others. I think the next couple months with him are going to be golden, so we're going to try to focus on that.""

that said... im destroyed. one moment i am fine and then next im hysterical. this is all so surreal, i feel like this is something i'm watching on Oprah or something I would watch on Extreme Home makeover. It's crazy. it's so NOT fair. they have fought so hard... i cant help them. I can try and be strong ... i know... that's what my sister needs. but I want to hold him in my arms and tell him everything is going to be alright... i want to take this pain away for my sister. but i cant. she is loosing her baby, my brother is loosing his son... my family is loosing their 1st grandbaby ... i am loosing my nephew. i am so angry, i am so sad, i am so heartbroken. this is just all too much. I know that thomas will be in a better place, but we wont. we'll still be here without him. we will still be here....

I know it's an odd question, but seriously, have you thought about what your dream bathroom would look like?

I dont know i have this dream, but all it was was me in this enormous peaceful bathroom! I had one of the most

beautiful American standard tubs but mine had a green bottom instead of a black one! Well this all got me thinking about what kinda things I would want in my own so i started looking at bath faucets and I found one that I really liked and then i found like 10 that i really liked. HA! But, it was a lot of fun to dream about one day having a custom built bathroom. Brian's parents are building a home right now and they are going to have one of the most beautiful bathrooms I have ever seen. They not only have the beautiful faucet below, but they are also having a walk in shower that is just so beautiful! I cant wait to see it and i love dreaming of my own variety of bath faucets and more!   :)

Show us peace.