so ... i cried in front of the "self-help" section of the bookstore last night ... realizing what i was looking for was something to take away this pain, but ... there's nothing... nothing will take it away. yes it may help but it wont change the reality of what's happening for the pain im feeling so deep in my soul
so ... im heartbroken to say the least ... but here is my sister's blog post ... i feel it's appropriate for HER to tell YOU where we are now with my nephew.
""One of the things Thomas’s oncologist is good at is warning us when we’re about to hit the big stuff. Phrases like, “I have bad news” give our minds time to race to emergency stations and brace for what’s next.
So, I have bad news.
Thomas’s MRI results from last week showed that his tumor is back. It is inoperable. We have discontinued chemotherapy.
We
are sad, intermittently, or underlyingly: it's hard to believe this is
real when Thomas is riding around on his trike and "talking" on a
plastic measuring cup held to his ear. Off the chemo and not
experiencing effects of the tumor yet, he's a handful, squeezing the
fun out of every moment of the day.
I don’t know exactly how the immediate future will look. There are conversations and meetings to be had, some easier than others. I think the next couple months with him are going to be golden, so we're going to try to focus on that.""
that said... im destroyed. one moment i am fine and then next im hysterical. this is all so surreal, i feel like this is something i'm watching on Oprah or something I would watch on Extreme Home makeover. It's crazy. it's so NOT fair. they have fought so hard... i cant help them. I can try and be strong ... i know... that's what my sister needs. but I want to hold him in my arms and tell him everything is going to be alright... i want to take this pain away for my sister. but i cant. she is loosing her baby, my brother is loosing his son... my family is loosing their 1st grandbaby ... i am loosing my nephew. i am so angry, i am so sad, i am so heartbroken. this is just all too much. I know that thomas will be in a better place, but we wont. we'll still be here without him. we will still be here....
I know it's an odd question, but seriously, have you thought about what your dream bathroom would look like?
I dont know i have this dream, but all it was was me in this enormous peaceful bathroom! I had one of the most
beautiful American standard tubs but mine had a green bottom instead of a black one! Well this all got me thinking about what kinda things I would want in my own so i started looking at bath faucets and I found one that I really liked and then i found like 10 that i really liked. HA! But, it was a lot of fun to dream about one day having a custom built bathroom. Brian's parents are building a home right now and they are going to have one of the most beautiful bathrooms I have ever seen. They not only have the beautiful faucet below, but they are also having a walk in shower that is just so beautiful! I cant wait to see it and i love dreaming of my own variety of bath faucets and more! :)
The recipes are wonderful and they are fun to make! I went out and bought a hand blender and am on my way!! I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for other cookbooks that use vegetable purees?
Anyways, updates on me and my life. I know it's been forever since i've really taken the time to say anything... But here it is. We (Brian and I) are both still doing wonderful - Brian just got his 1st rounds of grades from his masters program and has made all "A's"!!!! Whoop! to say that i am proud is probably the biggest understatement of the century. He has been working so hard and it's been hard on us... he's gone from sun up to sun down... sometimes before the sun even rises (actually most of the time before the sun rises) .... but it's all worth it seeing him succeed in his 1st semester in the program. :) For about a month now i've been working at Citibank in their collateral department building loan files. it's pretty boring job, but i get to wear jeans and i get to listen to my ipod, for me that makes it all worth while... oh and the pay is good too.
I am making an A in my Intro to Business class. which if i wasnt making an "a" i would be furious with myself because it's the only class im taking this semester. I've decided I'm NOT going back to school next semester just because I can not afford it right now and i do have to do a percentage of classes at a university in order to get my degree from it... so i think im just going to work hard core next semester ... get a full time job and a part time job! and just work my little butt off! and bring in the big bucks! and put a large majority of that money into savings so that when i do go back to school i CAN pay for it semester by semester. sooo, we'll see how that goes.
I hope that all of my neighbors are doing well, i miss you all tons ... and i hope you know i may not be responding to your blogs but i am trying to keep up with everyone...
okay, actually i could see how a lot of people might not like this show, but for me ... it's story-telling at it's greatness.
I love the narrator overtone of each episode.
If you ever watched Dead Like Me, it's by the same creator, it did kinda the same thing with a narrator overtone. I loved it
annnnyways, this is a sweet romantic comedy/ mystery! love love love it!
I FREAKIN LOVE THIS SHOW.
|
(sorry I dont have time for my own update - but here's the official)
Love/Addiction | Air Date: 10/04/2007- offical
Izzie couldn't be more thrilled when George promises he's going to tell
Callie that the marriage is over. But after a day of working under
Callie, she orders George not to say anything since Callie is her boss
and it's going to be a nightmare when she finds out. Izzie hopes that
maybe they'll just "drift apart." George reluctantly agrees to wait.
Instead of returning her wedding presents, Cristina is handing them out in exchange for professional favors at the hospital, like scrubbing in on a high-profile surgery with Mark. Mama Burke arrives unexpectedly, looking for her and Cristina sends Meredith to get her to leave. Mama reprimands Meredith for the way she announced that the marriage was off, so Meredith tells Cristina she tried but Mama's too scary.
Callie refuses to allow residents to go work at the clinic because the hospital is busy, so Miranda gets saddled with two inept interns, including Lexie. She doesn't have the authority to give Meredith orders anymore, but Miranda says Meredith owes her for saving her life. Meredith regrets helping out when Lexie immediately pounces on her for more sisterly bonding and Callie is furious when she learns that Miranda undermined her over the clinic assignment.
The victims of an apartment explosion flood Seattle Grace, including a baby that won't stop crying and his very distraught father. A tox scan of the baby's blood, ordered by a suspicious Alex, reveals the presence of crystal meth. The parents were cooking the drug in their kitchen when it blew up. Callie has Alex call the police and social services. Before they can arrive and deal with the dad, Alex tells the father, who's freaking out over his son's crying, that he's going to jail for endangering his son. The father knocks Alex out and takes the baby.
Richard is trying to delegate work to make more time to be with his wife, but he regrets delegating the meth lab situation to Callie. He interrupts a surgery to tell her how badly she's messed up. When Izzie tells her she thinks she's doing a good job as chief resident , Callie not only doesn't believe her, she orders her out of her O.R.
While Mama waits to see Cristina, George tells her maybe Burke dodged a bullet by not getting married, because once you're in, you're in. She advises him not to stay in a marriage just out of obligation. Derek stops by next and Mama asks if Cristina really loved Burke. He says he thinks she loved him the best she knew how, but confesses it wouldn't have been enough for him either. She tells him he's an "honorable man" if he knows when to walk away from less than he deserves.
Callie desperately searches for the baby and when Mark asks if she's okay, confides that she thinks that George is having an affair. He says if it's true, George is an idiot. He advises her to talk to George, instead of destroying her career.
Meredith, who's been fending off an obsessed Lexie all day, finally tells her to leave her alone, because she doesn't want to know her. When Lexie points out they have the same father Meredith says, no, they don't. Her father abandoned her when she was five and that's why she kicked the world's most perfect man out of her bed, because their father chose Lexie over her. "You're not a girl I ever wanted to have to know," she says.
Derek overhears the meth-dealing father, who's hiding in a bathroom, begging his baby to wake up. Derek takes the baby, who's had a stroke, and runs with it. While Alex and Miranda watch Derek operate, Alex invites Miranda to yell at him for letting this happen. She says it's not her job but then she unleashes an angry rant on him. He thanks her for the lecture and she thanks him for letting her give it.
Cristina finally goes to find out what Mama wants. She asks for the key to the apartment to get some of Burke's things. And she says she's sorry, not just that Cristina lost the man she loves, but that she lost her teacher, since Cristina loves being a surgeon more than she loved her son. She says she admires Cristina and that if she'd been born at a different time, she might have been more like her. As she's preparing to leave, Cristina asks if she'll take the wedding gifts. Cristina asks, "He's never coming back, is he? Not even to say goodbye," and Mama reminds her, "You're a strong woman."
Callie offers to help the Chief fill out the paperwork on the kidnapped baby, but he tells she's already done enough for one day. George finds her and is about to tell her about him and Izzie, but she tearfully begs him, "Not tonight."
Derek asks Mark to meet Meredith in his place and tell her he's stuck with a patient, but then he decides to join her after all. They walk out together, smiling.
PODCAST
Music Guide
Episode Guide: Love/Addiction
|
"we either adapt to change or we get left behind" Meredith's opening voice over ends with words that will forever hold the Season 4 in it's grips. LOVE IT! lol.
I love that the first person we see really demonstrating the "Nazi" quality is Christina.... i have five rules memorize them
Rule Number ONE: dont both sucking up i already hate you that's not going to change.
The next person we see trying to demonstrate the domineering qualities of Bailey is deer in the headlights Lizzie (pun intended), she's trying but she just can't be mean...
Next, Alex not even bothering to look the interns in the eyes, loving the power with his little smirk...
Finally we come to Meredith, who is showing the on call rooms, describing how NOT to sleep with attendees and you can tell she gets lost in her thoughts a little as she forgets where in the rules she is... but there's George, stepping in to help her out as always, as an intern again. :( poor george, i really feel for him... i *heart* him big time...
and back to Christina, back in the great Nazi style finishing off the rules.
Everyone is sitting on the beds in the hall... discussing the new interns and so on. We find out that Alex has driven toward the direction of "Ava" Rebbecca. Izzy and George find each other again on the beds in the hall, discussing who's the new Nazi... Izzy begs for a discussion while Meredith and Christina confess they haven't seen Burke or Derek since the wedding.
they're not okay, it's obvious, but ... yet, they always say we're fine.
I love Bailey in the next scene... SO FREAKIN MUCH, how angry and respectful she is about the chief choosing Callie over her for chief resident. I love that Callie asks where the New Residents are ... and she just says, "when i call them, they come running" -- HAHA! WOnDERful!!!!! she's so brilliant.
I HATE Izzy's interns... i wanna punch them in the face.
I really wasn't crazy about the idea of Lexie Grey being on the show, but I already love her character. She's really great. I really really love the 1st time the Derek and Lexie see each other again and he calls her the 'girl from the bar' ... I'm pretty sure if I was Meredith I would have done the same thing. "I'm the girl from the bar"!! SERIOUSLY, Derek ... you looked at her the same way with that little smile.... SERIOUSLY. I would have walked out in anger too!! I love that Izzy is trying really hard, but... yea she's still izzy ... still Bambi... lol. Love it.
I also enjoy seeing Christina be the compassionate doctor in telling the family that things could possibly go wrong.... it was nice to see her step up a little with that.
I dont know what Callie expected. I mean ... they (mer,izzy,christina) never really liked her to begin with ... let alone thought that she would be in a position of authority over them any time soon, besides being a doctor, now she's in charge of them... It's gonna take sometime.
Izzy calling herself Bambi, is great. I love the speech, i love that she is asking george, "where are you".... Because George doesn't even know where he is ...George doesn't know anything about himself, about his feelings...
gotta love that Izzy saves the deer in the same scene that George delivers a baby and Christina tells the man he can't move, that he "cannot leave the people you love they need you" -- her heart has really been broken by the whole Burke thing and it's moments like these I think we really see it ...
now the scene between Lexie and George ... LOVE LOVE LOOOOVE IT ... I love that George freaks out and tells Lexie about the drama surrounding the test... and "WHAT ABOUT ME" i love that we learn a little about Lexie. I love that she is the "meredith" that george needs ... she is wonderful. I love it, "im here now, and you ... you delivered a baby today. So stop feeling sorry for yourself." --- George "u are kinda awesome"-- Lexie "I know" ... (meredith watching in the background) love it!!!!!
I really really really LOVE McDreamy and McSteamy conversation in the surgery prep room where Derek defends Meredith's decisions ... He loves her, he really does. Then there is the GREAT SPEECH that McSteamy gives ....
Grey Anatomy Podcast
Official Season 4 Episode Guide: A Change is Gonna Come | Air Date: 09/27/2007
After failing his exam, George reluctantly faces his first day reliving his internship among a sea of fresh faces. Meanwhile, Cristina, Meredith, Izzie and Alex are in charge of their own interns and George is assigned to Meredith.
Neither Cristina or Meredith have heard from her exes since the wedding, and they don't seem overly concerned, which astounds Izzie, who is counting every day since she last spoke to George. George asks to talk to Meredith but before he can get her alone, the rest of the new interns show up in the hall and are shooed off by the residents. George gives up and joins the interns. Cristina nicknames him "Bambi," saying he needs to learn how to deal with his new situation.George complains to Callie about being an intern again and she tries to reassure him by saying he's going to be the "rock star" intern. When that fails to cheer him up, she suggests maybe they'll see him as the "daddy" intern. He's rattled rather than pleased by the suggestion that she might be pregnant.
Miranda is still bitter over being passed over for Chief Resident. Without Burke or Meredith to hang out with, Derek asks Miranda out for a drink after work and she turns him down, as does the Chief.A multi-car pileup is en route to the hospital, proving Callie's first responsibility as Chief Resident. The residents she paged are MIA and Miranda drily notes that when she paged them, they always came running. The Chief tells Callie to "get it together."
The residents instruct their interns and Izzie overhears hers saying they know her history and lamenting that they got stuck with "the dud."
The first ambulance from the multi-car accident arrives with a DOA and Cristina pulls back the sheet to show the interns their first "dead guy." The second ambulance contains a pregnant woman whose arm has been severed and the third one holds a heavyset man with a knee injury who surprises everyone by asking for something to eat.
Lexie introduces herself to Meredith, who is stunned to learn that she has another half sister. Derek approaches Meredith, just as Lexie comes up to apologize for botching her introduction. Derek recognizes Lexie as "the girl from the bar," and Meredith gives him a disgusted look and says, "I'm the girl from the bar" and walks off. Lexie frets that Meredith has another reason to hate her now.
Cristina asks Derek if Burke is off today and he reluctantly informs her that Burke turned in his resignation two weeks ago.
Cristina is pronouncing time of death for the dead man when he starts to breathe! He's been internally decapitated -- the only thing holding his head on is his skin. Derek assures him he'll try to reconnect his spine. Cristina tells the wife that if he moves even a fraction of an inch, he could die and that this may be the last time she sees her husband alive. During surgery, the patient starts to move and Cristina orders him stay still, saying he can't abandon his family like that. Miraculously, he pulls through.
The pregnant woman says she really needs her arm since her baby has no father. Mark orders Meredith to find the severed arm.
A young boy and his father come running into the E.R. carrying the arm and the boy begs Izzie to help him with another patient who's in the truck. Izzie -- who's had nothing for her interns to do yet -- rallies her group and follows the boy outside, where she is speechless to discover that her new patient is the deer that caused the accident. When the deer opens its eyes and looks at her, she agrees to try to save it, to the dismay of her interns, who think she's crazy. The father insists there's no point in saving an animal that they'd usually be eating. Izzie is horrified at the father's attitude and insists that she's going to save "Bambi."
George and Izzie meet in the stairwell and she accuses him of avoiding her since she told him that she loves him. She says she's busy trying to save Bambi and he misunderstands, thinking she's using the same nickname Cristina has for him. Izzie insists that she's Bambi -- alone and scared -- and George tells her he's needed in surgery.
Mark informs Nancy, the pregnant woman, that he can reattach her arm. During the procedure, she goes into labor and George delivers the baby.
Alex is upset that Callie won't let him switch to a surgical case. Callie is furious that she wasn't notified when the man with the knee injury ends up in emergency surgery --- turns out he's got a mania for eating random objects and now he has a perforated stomach. Miranda insists that Alex did the right thing by rushing him to surgery and there wasn't time to inform her. Richard tells Miranda that the reason he didn't name her as Chief Resident was because he thinks she's better as a surgeon than juggling paperwork.
Mark wants to take Derek up on the offer for a drink, saying he thinks he could use a friend. When Mark slams Meredith, Derek defends her, saying he doesn't blame her for running after seeing that Cristina was left at the altar. Mark insists that he didn't come to Seattle for Addison, he came to patch things up with Derek. "Maybe we should have a drink," Derek smiles, "but not today."
Izzie manages to bring the deer back to life and then informs her interns that they have to be ready for anything, even something like this. She announces that they're stuck with her and she's sorry she's stuck with them since they're all obviously "duds."
When George isn't ecstatic over delivering the baby, Lexie lectures him that he should be, and tells him he's not the only one whose life hasn't gone according to plan. The other interns are impressed by George delivering a baby on his "first day" and he slowly warms to their praise.
Alex confides to Cristina that he misses Rebecca and she says she misses Burke.
Callie is depressed over how the residents don't respect or listen to her and invites Miranda to tell her how terrible she is at her job. "Hope tomorrow is better," is all Miranda says.
Meredith tells Derek it's over but she agrees to a breakup kiss, and then to breakup sex.
George shows up at Izzie's house and tells her, "I love you too."
Episode Guide: A Change is Gonna Come
Grey Matter -
Shonda on the Season Premiere Episode "A Change Is Gonna Come"...
Original Airdate: 9-27-07
So…change.
Change is good. Change is everything.
Change is also what’s in the stomach of that guy who can’t stop eating weird crap.
Welcome to Season Four. SEASON FOUR. I can’t believe we made it this far. We’re proud to have made it this far. Let me tell you, Season Three was not easy for anybody and we’re glad to have it behind us. It’s all new dawn, new day over here and people are happy as freaking pie about it.
The interns are residents now, with interns of their own. Except for George, poor George, who is stuck repeating his intern year. He’s a repeater. And it’s not easy being a repeater. It pretty much sucks being a repeater. He’s the only who hasn’t gone through any change when we begin the episode. But by the end, he has. He tells Izzie that he loves her too. Which takes guts. Because he knows what he is getting into. He’s a married man, he’s a married man with a great wife, and he never intended to be a married man who loved another woman. Man, is he in for some change.
I’ve been reading the boards. I know how a lot of y’all feel about the George/Izzie of it all. But stay tuned because it gets really interesting. And funny. And sad. And I’m pretty sure what comes is unexpected.
Meredith and Derek are “broken up” by the end of this first episode. But what does that really mean? Especially when break up means break up sex? Are they really apart? Poor Meredith can’t quite deal with all that is expected of her in this relationship but they love each other, they really truly love each other and so…how much can they really be broken up?
I gotta say, I’m really rooting for the two of them to make it. For Meredith to get her act together and learn to trust someone. Someone other than Cristina. Whom she honeymooned with.
That was my favorite detail. That Meredith and Cristina went on Cristina’s honeymoon together. Because that is so exactly what my best friends and I would have done (my best friends are named Cristina and Debbie – they are my Cristina and Izzie) if I had been left at the altar by a spectacular heart surgeon on the day of my wedding. We would have gone on that honeymoon and tried to have a good time. We would have been fine. Which is what Cristina is – fine. Or she’s trying to be. Fine. But she’s not. She’s not fine and we know she’s not fine because when she’s looking at the internally decapitated man and his family all together at the end, she’s devastated.
Bailey. I love her. And I love that she’s not at ALL about to let the Chief off the hook for not making her Chief Resident. After all, she’s BAILEY. She’s worked hard, she’s been the best. And isn’t it just like the Chief to decide what is best for her? It’s his flaw, the Chief. He’s an old school man and like an old school man, he’s taking care of his women. Whether they like it or not. Whether they want to be taken care of or not. This isn’t gonna be an easy pill for Bailey to swallow…
But my most favorite thing about this episode? Mark and Derek kinda making up. That moment when Mark professes his “intentions” to Derek about why he came to Seattle is priceless. And charming. And a little bit sweet. They were the very best of friends, these two. They grew up together. So it’s so true that they would go back to being friends in the absence of Addison…
Addison, by the way, is living her life over on Wednesday nights. It’s a good life. And I’m not saying you should check it out. But…you should check it out.
Back to Seattle: Lexie Grey is here now. And she’s here to stay. I love that she’s a bit of a dork. Being a dork myself, I am fond of the girls with verbal diarrhea. Because it’s not easy to keep all your words in – believe me. It’s the reason I identify so much with Callie. Poor Callie. She’s got a lot of unpleasant stuff heading her way in the coming weeks. Things she never imagined she would have to go through. But the one thing she will never do is keep silent.
Okay, this blog was late and now, it’s short. But that’s because I have to get back to writing scripts for the show…
Thank you for watching. I mean that. We mean that. All of us over here at Grey’s mean it. We’re staring at a new dawn, new day but that doesn’t mean we aren’t grateful to every single one of you for watching…

on what's your dream bathroom?