we've lost this long battle...im losing him...

so ... im heartbroken to say the least ... but here is my sister's blog post ... i feel it's appropriate for HER to tell YOU where we are now with my nephew.

Thomas2

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""One of the things Thomas’s oncologist is good at is warning us when we’re about to hit the big stuff. Phrases like, “I have bad news” give our minds time to race to emergency stations and brace for what’s next.

So, I have bad news.

Thomas’s MRI results from last week showed that his tumor is back. It is inoperable. We have discontinued chemotherapy.

We are sad, intermittently, or underlyingly: it's hard to believe this is real when Thomas is riding around on his trike and "talking" on a plastic measuring cup held to his ear. Off the chemo and not experiencing effects of the tumor yet, he's a handful, squeezing the fun out of every moment of the day.

I don’t know exactly how the immediate future will look. There are conversations and meetings to be had, some easier than others. I think the next couple months with him are going to be golden, so we're going to try to focus on that.""

that said... im destroyed. one moment i am fine and then next im hysterical. this is all so surreal, i feel like this is something i'm watching on Oprah or something I would watch on Extreme Home makeover. It's crazy. it's so NOT fair. they have fought so hard... i cant help them. I can try and be strong ... i know... that's what my sister needs. but I want to hold him in my arms and tell him everything is going to be alright... i want to take this pain away for my sister. but i cant. she is loosing her baby, my brother is loosing his son... my family is loosing their 1st grandbaby ... i am loosing my nephew. i am so angry, i am so sad, i am so heartbroken. this is just all too much. I know that thomas will be in a better place, but we wont. we'll still be here without him. we will still be here....